When Will Things Start Looking up for Me?

My life is falling to pieces. Personal and work life are horrible. I’m a strong person, but I’m really unsure if I’m strong enough to endure what I’m about to. Seems like ever since last year, I’ve been hammered down repeated with something new to stress me out.

We all worry about our inadequacies and what the future holds. For me, the future holds tough times ahead because Matty, my best friend (who also happens to be my ex-boyfriend, former roommate, and former co-worker), is leaving the country and will be living there for an indefinite period of time. We did so many things together – had fun and feuds!

He’s leaving because he doesn’t know what to make of his life, and he really hated the way things were going for him. It also doesn’t help that he has a significant amount of debt to pay off. He’ll be moving in with his parents and will try to find a new job (since today was his last day at work).

I want the best for him, but it’s hard for me because especially during this time when I’m still trying to cope with the death of my father and work is going pretty shitty, I feel like I really need him for social support. Two people have never been closer.

The last time I’ll get to see Matty is tomorrow. After that, it’ll never be the same again. Even the most exciting books you cherish come to an end.

I feel so alone.

Abandoned.

Weak.

Bitter.

Angry.

I’m certain that I’m going to bear a cross in the days ahead. But one thing I keep trying to remind myself of is that while everybody may let you down, you cannot let yourself down. Life is hard, but you have to put up with the bullshit if you want to make something of yourself.

Dear readers, I fully intend to write a proper blog post. It’s just that I’m going through a very difficult time right now. Don’t lose faith in me. I’ll return soon!

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2 responses to this post.

  1. It’s very sad to hear you going through this and while I have lost friends to death, moving-away or simply drifting apart, I can understand the pain. I suppose the world has become a smaller place with the invent of technology. When friends used to move away, they were pretty much gone-for-good. At the very least, nowadays with family/friends thousands of km’s away, we can keep in touch using voice chat and even webcam. I can definitely say it “isn’t the same” – but it’s of some consolation.

    I lost my father a few years ago and it is hard on me particularly because of my (semi) young age. I think most people at some point in their life will lose a parent or parents, but I just did not ever imagine it would happen to me so early. It’s hard to be in my 20’s and having to take care of my mom and shoulder the “man of the household” responsibilities. I figured it wouldn’t be until I got married and had kids before I had to do something like that. Nevertheless, whenever I feel lost, I know that dad will guide me one way or another through divinity even if I can not touch him or talk to him.

    I know there are time life seems to crumble – happens pretty often to me so we’re in the same boat… nevertheless, you just have to find something to appreciate in every day that helps you endure another day.

    Reply

    • Posted by Mary Shaw on August 26, 2010 at 11:00 PM

      Thanks for caring enough to leave me a message. And sorry for my tardy reply. I’ve been down in the dumps, but sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you start climbing upwards.

      I’m very stressed out still, but I’m slowly learning how to cope, and I’m starting to try new things that I haven’t done before to distract me from the gloom and doom that tries to swallow me up. It’s important for me to use this time as an opportunity to grow.

      I’m sorry to hear that you lost your father. Looks like we’re in the same boat. My father passed away in March of this year, and I’m also in my 20s. It definitely is really tough because I have to look after my mom (who is even more stressed out than I am).

      Hopefully all the heartache we go through in life makes us stronger.

      Reply

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