Archive for July, 2010

When Will Things Start Looking up for Me?

My life is falling to pieces. Personal and work life are horrible. I’m a strong person, but I’m really unsure if I’m strong enough to endure what I’m about to. Seems like ever since last year, I’ve been hammered down repeated with something new to stress me out.

We all worry about our inadequacies and what the future holds. For me, the future holds tough times ahead because Matty, my best friend (who also happens to be my ex-boyfriend, former roommate, and former co-worker), is leaving the country and will be living there for an indefinite period of time. We did so many things together – had fun and feuds!

He’s leaving because he doesn’t know what to make of his life, and he really hated the way things were going for him. It also doesn’t help that he has a significant amount of debt to pay off. He’ll be moving in with his parents and will try to find a new job (since today was his last day at work).

I want the best for him, but it’s hard for me because especially during this time when I’m still trying to cope with the death of my father and work is going pretty shitty, I feel like I really need him for social support. Two people have never been closer.

The last time I’ll get to see Matty is tomorrow. After that, it’ll never be the same again. Even the most exciting books you cherish come to an end.

I feel so alone.

Abandoned.

Weak.

Bitter.

Angry.

I’m certain that I’m going to bear a cross in the days ahead. But one thing I keep trying to remind myself of is that while everybody may let you down, you cannot let yourself down. Life is hard, but you have to put up with the bullshit if you want to make something of yourself.

Dear readers, I fully intend to write a proper blog post. It’s just that I’m going through a very difficult time right now. Don’t lose faith in me. I’ll return soon!

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