Singled Out for Being Alone: The One Who Doesn’t Board Noah’s Ark

Turn on the radio at any time, and listen to five songs. Chances are that at least one was a mushy love song.

And if you’ve followed Mariah Carey’s musical career (like I have), you’ve come to the conclusion that she just can’t sing about anything besides love. (Think Vision of Love, Always Be My Baby, Dreamlover, I Stay in Love, etc.)

(Watch The Raveonette’s music video, That Great Love Sound, for a different albeit morbid/psychotic twist. They’re one of my favourites, and I really like what they’ve done in the video because it’s not what you would expect if you just heard the lyrics.)

We live in a society where walking hand-in-hand to board Noah’s Ark is considered The Right Path in Life. The increasing popularity of online dating services speaks volumes of how prevalent the love ideal is. “Find your match today!”, they say. Or, “The only thing you have to lose is your loneliness.”

The same thing I say about computers holds true for relationships – they’re only good when they work. But probably my favourite personal quotation I’ve come up with is this: “A good boyfriend is  like a good bra – supportive.”

Truth be told, love is wonderful, exciting, and all-consuming. Whenever I fall in love, I’m giddy 24/7, I can’t wipe the smile off my face, and I want to devote all my time helping that Special Someone.

But they don’t call it falling in love for nothing. Sometimes the fall is so hard and fast that we get emotional bruises – some of which we feel will never ever fade but that will just get bigger and more painful. And sometimes the scrapes leave behind scars that we pick at later on in life, only to have them bleed like brand-new injuries. (I think Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton convey this well in Crowd Surf off a Cliff. Sip some red wine with this one.)

Is One Really the Loneliest Number?

Lately I’ve been doing lots of thinking about the single life because I got out of a serious relationship a couple of days before Valentine’s Day this year and just in time to completely ruin my birthday celebration later that month. (But at least he didn’t dump me like a total dick such as the one Jon Lajoie parodies.)

He and I had been dating for over 2 years. And it was more fucking intense than being married because not only did we live together, but we worked together, too. We were practically like Siamese twins doing everything together. And we felt invincible against the glaring statistics telling us that couples who live together have lower chances of getting married.

Reality crashes down like a hailstorm of serrated daggers sometimes. Now we both live separately and alone, but we still work together (although that will change). We’re trying to salvage a friendship because we want to build bridges instead of walls, but the task is probably more overwhelming than either of us imagined.

I thought he was my soulmate. (Who else would find my insecurities charming?) But to keep my sanity, I have to retrain my brain into thinking of him as only a friend.

As a feminist, I believe that women don’t require men to be happy, but I find myself floundering in depression without the one man I truly loved, trusted, and admired. This dissonance concerns and confuses me. What should I do? How can I move on? What if I never find The One? Can I be happy as a single female?

The Balancing Act

Being single has also forced me to notice how differently single women are perceived compared to single men. And it’s not fair. But life’s not fair, and the sooner we all accept that, the sooner we can suck it up, and become stronger, smarter individuals.

Unfortunately, these are the common descriptions associated with single females versus single males:

Single Female

• Lonely
• Sad
• Shy
• Physically Unattractive

Single Male

• Independent
• Strong
• Powerful
• Confident

Why does the man come out on top? I believe that all 8 descriptions can apply to both genders. But in lots of research I’ve read while studying psychology in university, they seem to suggest that the woman often is perceived more negatively.

Married to the Mob

As I’m in my late 20’s, I find myself thinking more and more about marriage. Yes, I pictured it all – I was going to wear a black-and-crimson dress, the reception decor would have a glam Old-Hollywood/gothic theme, the guest list would be very intimate, and the DJ would spin records on a vintage phonograph. There wouldn’t be white anywhere, except for maybe the walls or plates.

But now it’s back to the drawing board. Win, Lose, or Draw…

I jumped right into a serious relationship after I ended my previous one, so it has been a long time since I’ve experienced singledom.

My heart still stings. And my eyes still get fucking flooded with tears at the drop of a hat despite me trying to keep them at bay. Is this weakness? Is this cathartic? It’s been months since the break-up, yet my emotions are as strong as Day One.

The Sweet Hereafter

Now that everything’s still raw, I’m confronting these issues:

• Source of Happiness: Why do I rely so much on other people to make me happy?
• Self-Exploration: What can I learn about myself now that I can’t ‘lean on’ someone?
• Fighting Loneliness: What can I do to keep myself busy & foster positive thinking?
• Future Relationships: How will I ever be able to trust someone again?
• Time to Say Goodbye: If he cuts me completely out of his life, will I be able to cope?
• Exciting Opportunities: How can I make the most of this time?

Here’s what I’ll be actively doing to get my life back on track:

• Hanging out with friends more & making new ones
• Working on my humourous office-politics book & eventually attempting to have it published
• Hitting the gym to work off some steam
• Pursing new hobbies to keep myself entertained & happy
• Reducing my intake of booze – I am a hardcore tequila enthusiast, but I can’t continue to feed the flame & make my liver suffer

Hopefully if I make all these changes, in a few months’ time, I will start feeling happy and good about myself again.

Have you been through a bad break-up? How did you deal with it? Did you stoop really low before rising up? I’d love for you to share your stories with me.

Until next time, glock ’til you drop!

Getting Nailed: Bottling up Gender Stereotypes

Glockoma is just a newborn feminist blog. But with some TLC, I’ll help it grow strong enough to confront a circus of mature topics that’ll get your mind revolving like the Giant Ferris Wheel at the amusement park. I’ll burst your bubble and maybe I’ll even piss someone off.

Come fly with me on our way up, and let’s call out the scum of the Earth as we dip it low. Opinions run full circle without getting winded – I hope you can keep up.

Since the frequency of updates on my feminist blog have been lackluster, I’ve spent some time brainstorming what subjects I’d like to address in near-future posts. After a barrage of lighting bolts and some thunderstorms, I came up with a few.

Whetting Your Appetite for Upcoming Main Courses

• Singled Out – Unfair negative views of single women compared to the positive image of your typical bachelor
• Hairy Situations – Why does society expect women to be virtually hair-free when the majority of men flaunt their forests?
• Pooping Plastic – Understanding the rise of plastic surgery & its lacerations on women’s long-term self-image
• Sex Sells Sellouts – The unfortunate reliance on womanly wiles & the Casting Couch to climb the corporate ladder
• Being Nice Is a Sign of Lacking Personality – Is this statement true? Does the modern woman really need to be mean & nasty?
• A Wrinkle in Time – Investigating anti-aging products & the unreal search for the Fountain of Youth
  

Now that I have your attention, let’s get on with the show. Curtains, up! Spotlight, on! Glocks in hand!

The first thing I want you to sink your teeth into is the Big Bad Beauty Industry. It huffs and it puffs…and it shamelessly perpetuates gender stereotypes with conniving marketing tactics!

This isn’t anything ground-breaking, but if we become more conscious of it when we view their commercials and print ads, maybe we won’t be so willing to take it quietly.

But it’s too vague and overwhelming to tackle the entire beauty industry – I need to pick apart one facet. How about nail polish? Can you get down with that?

My stash is now at over 150 bottles, and I’m always reading the latest blogs to find out what the next hot shit is. Needless to say, I’m pretty passionate about nail colour!

Would You Rather Raise a Fist or a ‘Pink’y in the Air?

Browse through your local beauty store or look online. Check out the spectrum of polishes available to you. You’ll have an overwhelming number of sheer nudes, traditional pretty pinks, a heaping pile of reds or burgundies, some flirty purples, and a few beautiful blues.

Now look for yellows, greens, and dark grays. Much harder, no? The message we’re getting here is that girls and women are “supposed to” like Mommy-dearest pinks, barely-there soft colours, and/or red sex-kitten hues.

Just like TV sitcoms try to jam gender roles down our throats, the nail-polish companies seem to want to push the sales of a clear set of hues they deem ‘feminine’. Reds and pinks are their favourites. While I have nothing against those colours, I do find it a major yawn fest to see the exact same boring pink/red released in so many new seasonal collections. We’ve seen it before! At least give it a twist like a matte finish or holo glitter!

What’s interesting to note is that ever since Sephora by OPI introduced the unique mushroomy stunner last fall that was Metro Chic, female consumers simply went ballistic! The average woman actually embraced this atypical colour. Even to this day, it keeps selling out, and you’ll find pathetic peddlers trying to milk the cash cow on eBay by auctioning off bottles for profit.

Since then, nailphiles everywhere have rushed out to get China Glaze’s green-glittery Emerald Sparkle, Essie’s surprising blue-creme Mesmerize, and OPI’s taupe You Don’t Know Jacques. Even shy violets took the plunge and reveled in those crazy summer neons like Essie’s Funky Limelight! (And c’mon, we’re all seriously lusting after the rare and discontinued dark-green Zulu by NARS.)

Oh, how it’s a sign of the times! I hope we continue to see an explosion of these non-traditional  colours season after season. Whatever the impetus was for the beauty industry doing a handstand and producing them is worth investigating.

Could it be that more women are getting tired of being force-fed gender stereotypes even when it comes to the makeup they choose to wear? Maybe modern women are flipping off the cosmetic companies and demanding originality.

Ahhh…It’s a good day for feminism!

Blog News: I’m Gunning for You

Check it – this feminist blog got a new layout. Where’s the badass black-and-white graphic with a menacing hailstorm of glocks and various guns? Yeah, I miss it, too. But I sacrificed it for superior blog navigation.

(Don’t worry – there will still be tons of glock/gun images sprinkled throughout.)

These days, my financial situation is tighter than this dude’s pants. Sooo…I’m using a free WordPress account until I win the lottery (not likely since I don’t buy tickets) or Warren Buffett takes pity on me and showers me with mad cheddah (again, not likely).

What does having a free WordPress account mean? I can’t modify the templates.

My previous layout had the navigation on the bottom, and it was a hot, jumbled mess. I’m pretty sure that most readers found it quite frustrating to have to scroll all the way down the page before being able to read other posts. It drove me bonkers!

While my new grassy-spring template here isn’t nearly as hardcore (Waaahhh!), I do like how everything is easily accessible on the right sidebar (e.g. calendar, archive, categories).

Now that I’m finally happy with my layout, I’m going to try to blog more often.